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Humor Aviation Dictionary

Aviation Dictionary

AIRSPEED - Speed of an airplane. (Deduct 25% when listening to a retired fighter pilot.)
BANK - The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.
CARBURETOR ICING - A phenomenon reported to the FAA by pilots immediately after they run out of gas.
CONE OF CONFUSION - An area about the size of New Jersey located near the final approach beacon at an airport.
CRAB - A VFR Instructor's attitude on an IFR day.
DEAD RECKONING - You reckon correctly, or you are.
DESTINATION - Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot's bladder saturation point.
ENGINE FAILURE - A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with low-octane air.
FIREWALL - Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and smoke into the cockpit.
FLIGHT FOLLOWING - Formation flying.
GLIDE DISTANCE - Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
HOBBS - An instrument which creates an emergency situation should it fail during dual instruction.
HYDROPLANE - An airplane designed to land long on a short and wet runway.
IFR - A method of flying by needle and horoscope.
LEAN MIXTURE - Nonalcoholic beer.
MINI MAG LITE - Device designed to support the AA battery industry.
NANOSECOND - Time delay between the Low Fuel Warning light and the onset of carburetor icing.
PARACHUTES - The two chutes in a Stearman
PARASITIC DRAG - A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.
RANGE - Usually about 3 miles short of the destination.
RICH MIXTURE - What you order at another pilot's promotion party.
ROGER - Used when you're not sure what else to say.
SECTIONAL CHART - Any chart that ends 25 NM short of your destination.
SERVICE CEILING - Altitude at which cabin crew can serve drinks.
SPOILERS - FAA Inspectors.
STALL - Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late. STEEP BANKS - Banks that charge pilots more than 10% interest.
TURN & BANK INDICATOR - An instrument largely ignored by pilots.
USEFUL LOAD - Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight.
VOR - Radio navigation aid, named after the VORtex effect on pilots trying to home in on it.
WAC CHART - Directions to the Army female barracks.
YANKEE - Any pilot who has to ask New Orleans tower to "Say again."

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